Pity Parties

Whoa Life,

I am so sorry! March has clearly flown by but I cannot let it slip without writing one more time. And this will be about Pity Parties.

Ah, the pity party. We have all thrown them for ourselves and arrived much disappointed when our family and friends refuse to join in our desolate self and life-loathing. Pity Parties feel great in the moment, wallowing in self-mockery, stroking our wounded egos and sinking into the soft comfort of despair.
But here is the thing about Pity Parties, and I am sure you already know this: they only make things WORSE! Far far worse. When we pity party, we roll in all our negative thoughts, all of our negative experiences and all of the negative things others have said about us. This is no way to re-build an empire. And you, my dear, are your very own empire. You must strengthen your walls and re-build your gardens. The only way to re-group and get going again is to re-group and get going! You must NOT entertain the negative thoughts, the self-loathing. If you truly must get it out of your system, set a timeline. I recently had a very negative experience that I felt reflected on me personally. I felt awful and all I wanted to do was pity myself. So I gave myself a week. I was queasy, I had difficulties sleeping and I was tired all the time. When my week was up, it was challenging to fully exit my pity party because I had spent a whole week perfecting it and milking it and making it a cozy, dark, consuming little habit. But, I began to re-build. I stopped myself in my tracks when I began to think negatively and ordered myself to re-frame that thought, to find something positive, right then and there. And two weeks later, while not all the negative thoughts are magically gone for good, they are small and futile compared with my ability to recognize and overcome them.
Stopping yourself on the wallowing wind-down of a pity party is difficult. When you find yourself in the spiral, set a time limit and stick to it. I recommend LESS than a week! Ask your friends and family to hold you to your timeline too - once your time is up they should shush any negative statements. It will be so annoying, you will [try] to stop.

Love yourself, my friends. Have a celebration party, not a pity party. It is much healthier and gets you much much further.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Many of us are holding our breath as we wait out the last few weeks of winter, however many weeks that may be. We begin to feel impatient, cheated, when the clouds prevent us from seeing our missed friend, the sun. We grumble when we once again have to scrape off our cars (I thought this was OVER). When we start our days with negative thoughts, negative thoughts often follow.
This lesson always seems so simple, almost too simple. "If you think positive, you will have Better Days. Better Health. Better Relationships. A Better Life." Yeah, right. BUT IT'S TRUE. Getting into the habit of acting and reacting in a positive way can turn your minute, day, week, year and even life around. Let's illustrate this point with two individuals, we will call them Sunny and Gloomy. Tres creatif, oui?
Gloomy wakes up and it is cloudy outside. Great! he thinks sarcastically. The perfect way to start a Monday. Focusing on the clouds, he gruffly shoves off the covers, knocking the clothes he forgot to put away on the floor. Sigh. Now my work clothes are wrinkled. He doesn't bother to pick them up, thinking it won't help and steps on them on the way to the bathroom. Still brooding about the clothes, he stubs his toe on the bathroom door. Are you kidding me? I haven't been awake three minutes and already this day is bad. This does not bode well for the rest of the day. Etc, etc, etc.
When you are grouchy, you are more likely to be bothered by smaller things. When you are bothered by a lot of little things, you are going to be grouchy. This is a vicious cycle and it is no way to live your life.

Sunny wakes up and it is cloudy outside. Hmm, I wonder if it will get sunny later he thinks. He imagines a sunny surprise of an afternoon and smiles as he enthusiastically pushes back the covers, knocking the clothes he forgot to put away on the floor. Whoops. Better grab those, he thinks, scooping them off the floor and shaking them out. Not too bad at all. He heads to the bathroom, smiling and wondering what the day will bring and stubs his toe on the bathroom door. Dang. That'll teach me to look where I'm going he thinks, rubbing his toe. Etc, etc, etc.

Exact same situations. Totally different reactions and thoughts. And, even if the rest of their days were identical, if you asked them at the end how their days were, one would say "terrible" while the other would say "good."

Your brain is a seriously powerful tool. Sharpen it. Practice responding to things in a positive way. I am POSITIVE you will see a difference! :)