love is all you need

So FIRST things first - I am so sorry to the one and one half person who may or not have visited this blog since I last wrote and were disappointed and/or crushed to find ZERO updates since May. MAY! I am ashamed. I have been busy though. In this time I have gotten a new job, obtained my social work license, found an apartment and moved to the amazing city of Chicago. These are not excuses, just updates.
At any rate, friend[s], allow me to ease back into the wide world of blogging with an easy and much loved topic of mine - LOVE! I won't get into specifics and will mostly stay general, easing our way back into this crazy thing together. Ready?
Last year, I started subscribing to an e-mail list from Tut, Notes from the Universe. And one of the first e-mails I received, from the universe (which never stops feeling cool) was the following:

"When you understand that what most people really, really want is to feel good about themselves, and when you realize that with just a few well chosen words, you can help virtually anyone on the planet instantly achieve this, you begin to realize just how simple life is, how powerful you are, and that love is the key."
Your assignment, my beautiful darlings, is to contemplate this in the coming week. So often in my day, I begin to wonder about other people. "Why is she wearing that shirt?" "Why is he so rude?" "Why is that person so annoying?" Why do I ever waste my energy and precious thoughts on these petty judgements when I could literally be altering someone's moment or even their entire day. Eye contact, a smile, a random compliment. THESE THINGS MATTER PEOPLE. I cannot say it any better than the note from the universe so scroll to read it again please. And then remember how powerful you are.
Seriously.
You are powerful.

May.... I make some bad jokes?

So it's May.
Let's cut to the chase. I've been kind of down lately. This is not in my nature. I am happy and optimistic. Also, I am awesome. So, I would like to share with you my all time favorite self-indulgence when I am feeling down: making myself believe that I am the most hilarious human being to ever grace this sweet green earth.
It typically begins by putting on a dress or bright colors. Watching hilarious sitcoms on hulu and laughing OUT LOUD instead of just a quiet, suggestive "heh." When I get up to go to the bathroom or to get water or a handful or chocolate chips, I dance or skip or hop. Then this trend threads itself into online conversations (I just told my friend Val that I settled on a dinner of "cheese explosion mac and cheese" and my witty review was that it tastes like "cheese powder and heart attacks.") You can most likely anticipate, truthfully, that I do not in fact make the world's most hilarious comments when in this state. Which brings up the excellent topic of friendships: this mood is the true test of my friendships. And my friends always come out with gold stars and ribbons because they constantly pretend to find me hilarious when I need them to. THANKS GUYS, YOU ARE THE BEST!
Here is the very messy moral of this jagged entry (I blame it on cheese-brain) - when things seem to suck, change your outlook. Turn to the people who see you as you want to be seen. Flaunt your favorite personal quality and exaggerate it until you feel better. Say "I am awesome" out loud, in the mirror, using various accents, voice tones and facial expressions. Rinse and repeat as needed.

April Showers

April is already flying! Can you believe it? Sometimes I want life to slow down so that I can soak in every single second. Usually these are the seconds when I am with the people I love the very most. Or when I am eating a really delicious piece of chocolate cake. Er, just kidding. On the other hand, I find that when I am writing reports at work or doing the dishes or coming home to my empty apartment, I am eager for the moments to fly.
I am sure you are familiar with the saying "April showers bring May flowers." And of course, you know that sometimes we must endure rainstorms and cloudy weather in order to appreciate the sunny days filled with bursting beauty. Would you truly appreciate the warm embrace of sun rays if you constantly had access to them, or to 78 degree days? I have a wonderful friend who lives in California and she loves to give me weather reports in the dead of winter. Sure she is in flip-flops and I am huddled wondering if my reaching for my hot chocolate is worth creating a temporary window of vulnerability in my blanet fort. However, that first warm day of the year and the reminder that spring is on its way is always worth it. Likewise, if I never felt lonely or sad or worried, I don't know that I would be able to fully engage in the incredible joy that comes from being with the people I love, laughing or having something work out just right.
The next time you are feeling down in the dumps, remind yourself of this. Remind yourself that each hard moment is but one moment in a series of moments that make up your life. And this moment makes the other moments that much sweeter and that much fuller. Things tend to balance out but if you are very lucky, they won't quite balance out and you will wind up with more to be grateful for than to complain about.
If you are having a really hard time getting out of the dumps, please see the previous entry on Pity Parties! Then eat some ice cream.

Pity Parties

Whoa Life,

I am so sorry! March has clearly flown by but I cannot let it slip without writing one more time. And this will be about Pity Parties.

Ah, the pity party. We have all thrown them for ourselves and arrived much disappointed when our family and friends refuse to join in our desolate self and life-loathing. Pity Parties feel great in the moment, wallowing in self-mockery, stroking our wounded egos and sinking into the soft comfort of despair.
But here is the thing about Pity Parties, and I am sure you already know this: they only make things WORSE! Far far worse. When we pity party, we roll in all our negative thoughts, all of our negative experiences and all of the negative things others have said about us. This is no way to re-build an empire. And you, my dear, are your very own empire. You must strengthen your walls and re-build your gardens. The only way to re-group and get going again is to re-group and get going! You must NOT entertain the negative thoughts, the self-loathing. If you truly must get it out of your system, set a timeline. I recently had a very negative experience that I felt reflected on me personally. I felt awful and all I wanted to do was pity myself. So I gave myself a week. I was queasy, I had difficulties sleeping and I was tired all the time. When my week was up, it was challenging to fully exit my pity party because I had spent a whole week perfecting it and milking it and making it a cozy, dark, consuming little habit. But, I began to re-build. I stopped myself in my tracks when I began to think negatively and ordered myself to re-frame that thought, to find something positive, right then and there. And two weeks later, while not all the negative thoughts are magically gone for good, they are small and futile compared with my ability to recognize and overcome them.
Stopping yourself on the wallowing wind-down of a pity party is difficult. When you find yourself in the spiral, set a time limit and stick to it. I recommend LESS than a week! Ask your friends and family to hold you to your timeline too - once your time is up they should shush any negative statements. It will be so annoying, you will [try] to stop.

Love yourself, my friends. Have a celebration party, not a pity party. It is much healthier and gets you much much further.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Many of us are holding our breath as we wait out the last few weeks of winter, however many weeks that may be. We begin to feel impatient, cheated, when the clouds prevent us from seeing our missed friend, the sun. We grumble when we once again have to scrape off our cars (I thought this was OVER). When we start our days with negative thoughts, negative thoughts often follow.
This lesson always seems so simple, almost too simple. "If you think positive, you will have Better Days. Better Health. Better Relationships. A Better Life." Yeah, right. BUT IT'S TRUE. Getting into the habit of acting and reacting in a positive way can turn your minute, day, week, year and even life around. Let's illustrate this point with two individuals, we will call them Sunny and Gloomy. Tres creatif, oui?
Gloomy wakes up and it is cloudy outside. Great! he thinks sarcastically. The perfect way to start a Monday. Focusing on the clouds, he gruffly shoves off the covers, knocking the clothes he forgot to put away on the floor. Sigh. Now my work clothes are wrinkled. He doesn't bother to pick them up, thinking it won't help and steps on them on the way to the bathroom. Still brooding about the clothes, he stubs his toe on the bathroom door. Are you kidding me? I haven't been awake three minutes and already this day is bad. This does not bode well for the rest of the day. Etc, etc, etc.
When you are grouchy, you are more likely to be bothered by smaller things. When you are bothered by a lot of little things, you are going to be grouchy. This is a vicious cycle and it is no way to live your life.

Sunny wakes up and it is cloudy outside. Hmm, I wonder if it will get sunny later he thinks. He imagines a sunny surprise of an afternoon and smiles as he enthusiastically pushes back the covers, knocking the clothes he forgot to put away on the floor. Whoops. Better grab those, he thinks, scooping them off the floor and shaking them out. Not too bad at all. He heads to the bathroom, smiling and wondering what the day will bring and stubs his toe on the bathroom door. Dang. That'll teach me to look where I'm going he thinks, rubbing his toe. Etc, etc, etc.

Exact same situations. Totally different reactions and thoughts. And, even if the rest of their days were identical, if you asked them at the end how their days were, one would say "terrible" while the other would say "good."

Your brain is a seriously powerful tool. Sharpen it. Practice responding to things in a positive way. I am POSITIVE you will see a difference! :)

Happiest American City

According to ABC News, Holland, Michigan was recently found to be the happiest place in the United States. Holland, where there is a 16% unemployment rate and they are seemingly constantly hounded by blizzards and freezing temperatures. The city has roughly 34,000 residents who bring in an average income of about $4000 less a year than the average Michigan resident. (thanks city-data.com!) They pay a little more for income taxes. The residents do not statistically have more education than other Michigan residents. So, what's the secret?
ABC News presented a number of intertwined hypothesis, which seem pretty reasonable. They started with a few statistics - Holland has 170 Churches and over 100 volunteer groups. In interviews with ABC News, residents cited the generosity of their neighbors and churches. One unemployed man noted that a local church was giving out gas cards to people who needed them. It seems like most people in Holland who can give back, do - even if it's not much. It was also noted that Holland has a big family focus - there are lots of family restaurants, sure, but families seem to interact more in this town. They live in closer to proximity to one another and therefore get to spend more time together. There is a great sense of community and sharing. And, they also happen to have a lower crime rate than other American cities.
So I guess happiness (and beauty) doesn't come from having money. It doesn't come from having access to a wide diversity of exciting activities that one might find in a big city. It doesn't even necessarily come from having a job. The residents of Holland feel cared about by their families and neighbors. The residents of Holland take their time and money to care about others. There is a sense of belonging and support. There is a willingness to give of oneself. And there is little pretense of glory-seeking or reputation-padding.
Hm. Just a few things to think about... :)

Dance like everyone is watching

With Valentine's Day safely tucked back into the furthermost crevices of pockets and bookshelves and single hearts, now seems like a great time to talk about love. Loving your friends. Loving your opportunities. Loving your life. Loving your self.
This suggestion is far too much to expand upon in one sitting. But let's start small, shall we?
This weekend I spent a day with one of my favorite people. We drove an hour to an outlet mall, neither of us really needing any particular item. We started the morning with unnecessary lattes, making small talk with the baristas and flipping through the valentine's day city newspaper. We felt luxurious, spoiling ourselves in this way! Mochas! Cookies! (oh yeah, we totally got desserts too - OBVIOUSLY). How very metropolitan! We took our time and tried on frilly, colorful and ridiculous items and revisited inside jokes, slipping in corny new ones at every opportunity. We gloried in each discounted purchase. That dress was SIXTY PERCENT off? Well done! And we danced. We danced in the stores, in the dressings rooms and at every stoplight on the way home (which made that drive in rush hour much more bearable!). People looked at us, gawked at us, smirked at us, laughed at us, and grimaced at us. I think. We noticed this a few times but honestly, we couldn't care enough to look out for it. Because we were loving everything and laughing far too much. We challenged ourselves with silly tasks. Stop at EVERY TJ MAXX we see on the way home!. We made dramatic exclamations trying to find a place to eat lunch WE WILL NEVER FIND AN OPEN LOCATION!!! EVER!!! WE WILL PROBABLY JUST STARVE!!! GARMIN! DO YOU WANT US TO STARVE??? (Don't worry, we did not starve. We stuffed our faces!)
What I am trying to say is this: take every regular, everyday activity and make it yours - make it ridiculous and dramatic and full of laughter. Share it with someone you love and care about. It does not matter what other people think of you as long as you are happy and healthy. Laugh too loudly. Dance the funky dances that would make every teenager you know cringe. Be the person or pair or group that everyone else says is obnoxious but of whom they are secretly jealous.

Boring days are your responsibility. Seize them and defeat them. This is your mission.